Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
