I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
