I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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