he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
