so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This baby is an asshole
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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