; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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