If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
