So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
