You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
