Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
