so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
well you can't waste a boner
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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