i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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