dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
