wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
