i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
