Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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