hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
