She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
