I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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