hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I touched a dick in church today
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
