i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
