you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
