I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
