This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
