why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
