sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Still dying that you shit outside
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
