when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Is her dick bigger than yours?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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