i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
