batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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