After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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