My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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