singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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