We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
