He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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