omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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