You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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