Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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