Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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