you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
