he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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