I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
