I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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