even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
