I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
