Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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