i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I smell stomach acid.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
