this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
