She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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