She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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