I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
