Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
