They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
That accounts for only three of the penises
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
