he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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