I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
