your thong is hanging out like whoa
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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